HIStory 1&2

there are five of them

now. i actually haven't seen all of the three HIStory1 shows. i actually might have, but i've just forgotten because they're so lackluster. i'm grouping 1&2 together because they share the same vibes in my head. short, 1h20m runtime shows with very little going for them. except crossing the line she's my baby.

HIStory1

first up we have HIStory1: my hero. this one is bad in the funny way. a girl dies, possesses the lamest man ever, and has to make her old boyfriend fall in love with her as a guy or else she'll die forever. it's a wild synopsis i know, and it's even wilder if you watch it. it's only an hour and 20 mins, so if you have time to waste it's quite silly. watching on 2x speed might not be a bad idea.

coming in with a banger title is HIStory1: stay away from me. i love the direction this is taking (sarcasm). i remember i did watch this, but i don't know if i watched it all. i only remember it as a short, and it very much is not a short; it is a full movie length (a short movie, but a movie nonetheless). the gist is that a random guy tries to make two stepbrothers fall in love. it works . i'm pretty sure it's dubiously consentual, but i don't care to review my source (the source material).

wrapping up the first HIStory is HIStory: obsessed. this is one i'm certain i never watched, but i'm told the story is that a guy stuck in a time loop keeps dying in a car accident and tries very hard to stop falling for the same guy, who causes him to die in all of these car accidents. i can't tell you any more because i know nothing.

HIStory2

finally some good food! HIStory2: crossing the line is for all you haikyuu fans out there. it's a volleyball romance, baby!! the general story is that a rambunctious teen is forced to join the vollyball team, where he meets the cool, calm, and collected team manager. sparks fly, etc etc. i love this show and it's great and cheesy and dumb and perfect. except... for the side couple. we'll get there. side couples are a common sentiment amongst the HIStory franchise.

after that brief, tolerable intermission, we are back in the trenches. HIStory2: right or wrong is titled pretty well, because it's wrong. glad to help! i haven't seen it though so i could be vastly misjudging it. all i know is i believe it's a teacher student relationship? but anyways a full grown man with an 8 year old kid falls for a college student so do what you want with that information i suppose.

overall

i think you get the gist of the 1&2 series. they're lackluster, poorly thrown together, and milk tropes and scandalous themes to rake in that good good fujocoin. they are low-budget and poorly produced, but somehow managed to rake in enough of that good good fujocoin to produce the rest of the HIStory franchise, which blew up in production quality, length, and tolerability!

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HIStory3

there are two of them

HIStory3 is where things really start to pick up. there are two shows under the HIStory3 label: trapped and make our days count. they both are 10 episodes of 50 minutes each, and are a significant quality upgrade from the previous HIStory installations.

HIStory3: trapped

I already talked in length about HIStory3: trapped here, so go check that out for actually coherent information about this masterpiece.

when i say that the flip from HIStory2 to HIStory3: trapped is of astronomical proportions, you just have to take my word for it. it's crazy how much of a 180 occurred. from a mediocre 5/10 rating to being featured on my hall of fame list?! what happened?! i genuinely cannot tell you what happened i too am baffled.

HIStory 3: trapped is a nuanced story about a cop and an ex-mafia boss falling in love. it sounds cheesy but it's pulled off relatively well! the relationship is mature, and instead of drama revolving around fighting each other, they face the trials and tribulations of being a cop and ex-mafia boss together. how cute. and get this, the side couple isn't even that bad! they're a little weird, sure, but nothing morally reprehensible! a win for the community!

HIStory3: make our days count

pay attention to that fucking title... unfortunately, it appears that HIStory3: trapped was the peak of HIStory, and we will only ever go downhill from there. farewell 2019, you will be missed. while make our days count is no where near the shitty quality of 1&2, it unfortunately falls short of our favorite masterpiece trapped. this is an unfortunate trend that continues throughout the rest of the HIStory franchise as we know it.

HIStory3: make our days count follows two high school students who fall into an unlikely relationship with each other. they get together around halfway through the show, and a majority of the late-show problems focus on them facing the trials and tribulations of being gay high school seniors togther. overall, a very cute show! just ignore the last episode and the last 5 minutes of the penultimate episode, and you'll be fine. also. the side couple. yes. it's the return of "except for the side couple". hold onto your pantsuits we're almost there.

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HIStory4

only one! we made it!

of the non-HIStory3: trapped installments of this franchise, HIStory4: close to you is my favorite, hands down. don't get me wrong, it's by no means fantastic, but by golly was it entertaining.

HIStory4: close to you is about three friends who work together. one tries to hit on a female coworker who just so happens to be a fujoshi by… pretending to be into one of his male friends. little weird but he comes around by acctually falling for said male friend. listen dude you got too close to fujo magic it's powerful.

anyways, the relationship is over-dramaticized and goofy, but if you look at it as camp, you're good to go. i think it's dumb as hell but it's entertaining so who gives a shit. it's a fine show. except... for the side couple.

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history5

ok sin time. i never finished this installment. i watched it as it came out then just genuinely forgot i was watching it each week. if that's not indicitive of its quality i don't really know what else to say.

HIStory5: love in the future has an interesting concept, but they failed in the execution. the idea is that this one guy from the year 2000 gets transported to 2020 and has to learn how to live in the future. he ends up falling love with someone in the future, then has to grapple with whether or not he should stay.

if you didn't tell me it was a romance, i would not have thought that the main couple were supposed to end up together. their chemistry is so bad it's called physics. the execution of the gimmick isn't even that good, so i understand past me accidentally dropping it. if you're looking for a bad waste of time, here's your answer! it's a shame that they wasted a mediocre (not morally reprehesnible!) side couple on this show, though. i would have appreciated it in HIStory4...

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so what's up with the side couples??

i'm so glad you asked! i've compiled a cute little list below for your viewing pleasure. hopefully that clears everything up!

2. (CtL) they are step brothers!
3. (MoDC) one is a high schooler and the other is 30!
4. they are step brothers (again! third step brother use!) and one is coerced into the relationship!
5. boss employee (ON THE UP AND UP!! a win)

my biggest gripe with the addition of the strange side couples is that most of the time they add nothing to the story. they appear for like five seconds, perform something problematic, then disappear. this is not the case for 4&5, where they take up around 30-40% of screentime, meaning more meaningless fluff for me to skip to get back to the main couple. i love me some toxic yaoi but felonies aren't really my cup of tea.

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